Okay, let's face the facts. The Great Movie Ride might have been on the list for extinct attractions for years. The Hollywood Studios (formerly the MGM Studios) was built and open to spite Universal Studios, and barely had any attractions to begin with. New things like Fantasmic and the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror arrived, and the park slowly found its identity. The Great Movie Ride was built in an impressive replica of the Chinese Theatre and served as the icon of the park. Or at least until that butt ugly giant Mickey Mouse hat was dumped in front of it for years.
As the park changed, old attractions were replaced, the Great Movie Ride stayed, and remained hugely popular with guests. However, the problem was that it was gathering cobwebs. The ride never once changed its content. It occasionally had a minor technical upgrade or new narration overlay, but the line-up of classic films were never swapped out. The attraction opened in the 1980s, and the latest films featured were Alien and Raiders of the Lost Ark. That's nearly three deceades of film to explore, and Disney did little to upgrade the ride. There was also a lack of movies released by Universal, because they are the enemy, and most of the films featured anyway were products of the Turner Classics collection.
There is a lot of charm to the ride, like the on-ride tour guides, the actors who hijack the vehicles while dressed as cowboys or gangsters, and how they meet their comical ends. The ride was a travelling theatre ride, and remained popular throughout its run. And that animatronic of the Wicked Witch of the West was amazing. And it's the closest we've ever gotten to a Mary Poppins dark ride.
Now with Hollywood Studios introducing undergoing a massive transformation to introduce Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge and Toy Story Land, inspired by the Wizarding World of Harry Potter over at Universal, things are different. Disney's mindset now seems to be that IPs make better money and rides than original ideas, and the old rides are out for the new.
But, what if rather than simply scrapping The Great Movie Ride, Imagineering instead revived it with a fresh new take, new featured films and characters, and even a connecting story. My version did sacrifice the actors, however, so take this with a grain of salt.
The interior two rooms would be designed after rooms of the Chinese Theatre. The first hall is lined with posters of classic films like Casablanca, The Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs among others. There is also a small gallery, showing replicas of important inventions and landmarks of film history including original cameras owned by the Lumiere Brothers, the pioneers of filmmaking.
The third room is the Magical Movie Props Exhibit, featuring a number of movie props in glass cabinets, which have a life of their own. The Ruby Slippers click together. A carousel horse from Mary Poppins bobs up and down. A lightcycle from Tron which is "on lone from ENCOM". The Dead Man's Chest has the faint sound of a heartbeat coming from inside. Thor's hammer is on display, but has crashed through the floor, its handle protruding out of the hole, complete with a sign reading "Need help. Norse God's strength required."
Guests enter the loading area, which is basically the same, with a backdrop of the Hollywood Hills. The soundstage resembles a street in Los Angeles, with the iconic theatre marquee acting as the entrance to the ride.
Sitting on a bench outside the cinema is Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. As guests queue and board the ride vehicles, Oswald discuss movies and the film industry via humourous quips, then inviting guests to visit some familiar and icon scenes from classic films. At this point, the ride vehicles arrive for guests to board, which resembled boxed theatre seats, with room for twenty-five people per vehicle. The vehicles are driven automatically, but have emergency breaks and can be driven by a cast member if necessary.
After guests board, the ride begins, accompanied by "Hooray For Hollywood". Guests venture through the long lobby of the cinema. We see Oswald in the screening booth and offers a history of cinema. The cinema's walls melt away, transforming into an early 20th century film set, where we see the Lumiere Brothers inspecting their first camera, Oswald narrating over the scenes. We also see Georges Melies directing a scene from A Trip to the Moon. We pass by a projector showing a number of early films.
We pass right through the projector's flickering light, as if going into the machine itself. We find ourselves in a black-and-white cityscape. We've entered the Silent Era and the golden age of comedians. Harold Lloyd dangles from a clock. Charlie Chaplin is dressed as the Tramp, greeting the audiences as they pass by. Buster Keaton crashes a car. We also see Laurel and Hardy, Roscoe Arbuckle, Douglas Fairbanks, and Mary Pickford amongst the scenery. Oswald narrates about the Silent Era.
We pass through a jazz club where Al Jolson introduces sound to film as he does in The Jazz Singer. The scenery vanishes as we pass through a thin pair of walls, where large projections of film reels fly by. We see Felix the Cat, Mickey Mouse, Gertie the Dinosaur, Looney Tunes, and Snow White amongst the imagery. The Golden Age of Animation. Oswald briefly laments his own history with Disney, and how Mickey's creation paved the way for the success of animated shorts and films.
The vehicle comes out into the night life of Hollywood. There's a constant musical beat in the air, as we pass by scenes from beloved musical movies. It chucks it down as Gene Kelly swings from a lamp post in Singing in the Rain on the left. After that, the gangs of West Side Story square off from the fire escapes and windows of an apartment block. Just after them, Natalie Wood and Richard Beymer sing a duet together.
Afterward, the vehicle travels up a small slope, travelling up into the rooftops, which take on a more British, Edwardian feel. Mary Poppins and Bert perch on a chimney top singing "Chim Chim Cheree", followed by an army of chimney sweeps leaping up onto the rooftops around the scene and performing a show stopping rendition of "Step in Time". This goes on as the guests leave the scene, venturing back down to ground level.
Guests enter a seedy, rundown part of town resembling 1930s Chicago. Oswald, dressed like a stereotypical gangster, explains they have entered the world of film noir and crime thrillers. He warns the guests to take heed around "this part of town". James Cagney from The Public Enemy watches the guests, telling them to move along or he'll smoke 'em. Humphrey Bogart appears as his role in The Maltese Falcon, speaking to Peter Lorre, Mary Astor, and Sydney Greengrass. Oswald accidentally interrupts their chat, making the group believe the audience possesses the Falcon. We escape around the corner before the characters can react.
However, right around the corner, we stumble across a bank robbery orchestrated by the likes of Bonnie and Clyde. The cops across the street open fire, and a crazy gunfight breaks out. Oswald screams for the guests to flee. Things start getting weird as more modern faces appear to join the gunfight. Al Pacino as Tony Montana screams from a balcony, opening fire with a machine gun. The cast of Reservoir Dogs appear. A young Robert De Niro hides behind a taxi. A building catches on fire.
Luckily for us, the fire forces the vehicles to take a left through a pair of doors. Inside is the office of Don Vito Corleone himself, who has the Maltese Falcon on his desk. Oswald talks to the Godfather, who thanks Oswald for the great service he has provided for bringing him the Falcon. Oswald asks for a way "out of the genre", Corleone pointing him to the doors at the other end of the room. On the way out, Oswald comments he is puzzled while films are starting to blur together.
We venture through the doors, and the cityscape is replaced by the barren, rocky landscape of the Old West. This is a rather short section, as we travel through a western town. We travel through a cemetery, seeing the iconic stand off from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, accompanied by the film's awesome theme.
There is the remains of a derailed train, referencing The Great Train Movie. Gary Cooper examines the wreck, as Will Kane from High Noon. On a cliff overlooking the scenery, Butch Cassidy and Sundance dangle from it, arguing whether they should jump or not. We pass by Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show, featuring Annie Oakley and Calamity Jane performing a musical number together. We travel towards a dark mineshaft, and sitting on horseback to see us off is the Duke himself John Wayne.
We travel into the mineshaft, seeing an empty mine cart pass by on an overlapping track. The mineshaft quickly changes into an Egyptian temple, Indiana Jones and Sallah removing the Ark of the Covenant from its chamber on the right hand side. A sword-wielding assassin watches the scene. He vows to kill the intruders before vanishing into the shadows. We go around the corner, hearing a scream, a gust of wind, and something impaling someone to a wall. We find the skeleton of the assassin pinned to the wall by poisonous darts.
The vehicle passes on through a treasure room, filled with gold and amazing jewels, ancient treasures, and artefacts. However, there is also a sarcophagus in the room, which creaks open, and the rotting form of a mummy emerges, reaching out for the guests as they make an escape.
The gold spills out across the track, as we enter an even larger cave filled with endless piles of treasure. A pile of treasure stirs, revealing it to be the gigantic animatronic form of Smaug from The Hobbit. Here, the vehicle stops for a brief encounter with the dragon. Oswald negotiates with Smaug to let them pass by, but Smaug contemplates eating the intruders. However, upon smelling dwarfs, Smaug shoos the guests and Oswald away. We travel into another tunnel, passing by Bilbo Baggins playing games with Gollum, whilst pocketing the One Ring behind his back.
The vehicle exits the caves, revealing we have come out of an immense mountain. Ahead, is an enormous looming gothic castle. Standing outside is Alfred Hitchcock, enjoying a cup of tea. He greets the guests, informing them that they are about to go into the "frightfully exciting" horror portion of the ride. A werewolf's howl signals are entry into the world of terror. The architecture is impressive but foreboding. We hear creepy noises. Hissing cats, the jangling of chains, heavy breathing, ghosts crying out.
Count Orlok rises out of a coffin to our right. We pass through the laboratory of Dr. Frankenstein, who brings to life his iconic monster through lightning, insanely declaring that "It's alive!" The vehicle moves on into a very haunted bedroom. Regan MacNeil sits in the poster bed, throwing up green slime, and her head spins. Green handprints appear and disappear across the walls and ceilings. Lightning flashes outside the window, revealing "All work and no plays makes Jack a dull boy" has been written on the walls. A TV sits by the bed, mostly on the fritz, but occasionally jumps to a spooky image - footage from B-movies, the icon of The Ring, and the titles of The Twilight Zone.
The vehicles go down a slope into the castle's dingy dungeon. We hear cries for help and insane laughter. We pass by several prison cells, even one scarier than the last. Hannibal Lecter sits in his cell, smiling at the guests. The next is empty, until a light turns on, revealing Mrs. Bates in a rocking chair. The dungeon starts to take on a strange, dream-like quality, transforming into the boiler room from A Nightmare On Elm Street. The room turns a sinister red, and we see glimpses of Freddy Krueger. We hear him speak "You're my children now," as we head for a set of double doors. An enormous claw appears over us, as Freddy cackles maniacally. We are gone before we are ensnared.
We travel through the interior of a spacecraft, implied to be owned by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation. Communications reveals there is a Xenomorph onboard for studying. However, like the rest of the attraction, there is a bizarre blend of faces wandering around. Robby the Robot from Forbidden Planet patrols a corridor. At the other end of the hall is another set of blast doors. We hear someone asking HAL 9000 to open the doors, but we hear the AI's voice refusing to comply. As we pass by an operations panel, we see an alien's bony, brown arm appear from behind it and press a button, asking to "phone home" (a nod to E.T.) This seems to convince HAL and he opens the doors.
The vehicle travels into the ship's bay, where we find noneother than C-3PO and R2-D2 attempting to prevent Rocket Raccoon and Groot from commandeering a spaceship. The four banter until red alarms go off, panicking C-3PO. Someone shouts over the intercom that the alien has escaped. We enter a dark metal corridor, hearing the hisses of the Xenomorph, its shadow passing by. Ripley lurks in a hallway, armed with a flamethrower. We venture further down the hall, hearing more noises, until there is nothing but silence.
The Xenomorph then springs out of an overhead vent, spraying "acid" at the guests before vanishing back into the vent. It follows after us, scurrying through the vents. However, a wall explodes to our right as the Terminator steps out. The Xenomorph emerges from above the door, attacking the Terminator. Both titans vanish back inside, the door sliding shut behind them. As we reach a pair of blast doors, we hear the sounds of gunfire and scream. Another explosion rips through the wall, revealing a victorious Terminator with the dead Xenomorph head in his grip.
Oswald starts tearing up out of sight and starts sobbing. The lights suddenly go out, save the headlights of the vehicle. Oswald realises he has cried all over the projector and tries to fix it, causing it to malfunction and blow up the film reels. He tries something, and we hear jiggery pokery sound effects around us.
The vehicle moves into the next room. A flash of light, guests finding themselves in a tornado of flying film reels. Imagery from various films fill the reels, as Oswald panics. Iron Man briefly flies by, claiming the projector is starting to fuse films together, explaining the mismatched character encounters. The words of Walt Disney encourage Oswald to fix the projector. He dons Mickey's sorcerer's hat (yes, this should happen!) and tries using magic to take the guests to one film world without interference. It works, as we spot a familiar Kansas farmhouse fly by. The lights go out again as we hear a great crash.
The lights come back on, revealing we have ended up in Munchkin Country in The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy Gale's house lies to our right, with the dead witch's feet sticking out of them. The Munchkins celebrate, only for the Wicked Witch of the West to appear out of a ball of fire and smoke. She blames Oswald for killing her sister. She retreats when Oswald warns her that more houses may crash down. The Munchkins suggest going to see the Wizard himself to fix the problems, and off we go to the see the Great and Powerful.
We pass by Dorothy and her travelling companions, who view the Emerald City from afar. And, hey presto, we find ourselves in the Wizard's throne room. The Wizard suggests using the Ruby Slippers to fix things, to which Dorothy does by clicking her heels together. We hear the sound of magic being cast and Oswald reports that the projector is working.
The vehicles move on out of Oz and magically back into the cinema. We travel into the screening room, passing by the rows of chairs filled with Disney characters and right through the screen itself. We come to our big finale, where Oswald along with the other principle Disney gang, along with a chorus, sing "Hooray For Hollywood" one last time, as we return to the separate unloading bay and head for the exits, with the memories and wonder of films in our minds and hearts.
But, that's just my idea.
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